Sunday, November 30, 2008

All of Thanksgiving and Friday I thought of Jeanie

I almost didn't put my post online below. Actually, it's the posting that I wrote just before the Happy Thanksgiving post. I had worked on that post for weeks collecting family sayings. I never meant to hurt anyone and especially my best friend since Kindergarten. I just quoted my dad trying to be "a dad" and using this off-the-wall expressions to stop our bouncing on horseback and get a tighter bras. Jeanie and I have laughed about that our whole lives. Then, out-of-the-blue, Jeanie calls on my husband cell phone and we were out in the 'almost desert' shopping. Jeanie said just right-out that she had breast cancer for sure. I was the one that was suppose to get it. She sings, is beautiful, and I'm her fan--you know, like the "Wind Beneath Your Wings" movie. I first couldn't comprehend what she was telling me. I was in shock and I know that my emotion of that, was really evident on the phone. My husband and I drove to her house and as ugly as I look right now, fighting facial cancer, to say just something encouraging to her---I couldn't say anything. Steve and I stayed almost an hour. She was getting so many calls. I came back in the evening to talk. She has been such an example to me. She's been eating healthy, a vegetarian for years, walking miles everyday, and no history of breast cancer in her family. I'm just the opposite. This is not fair for her. Why?

I've had a couple of biopsies, one tumor removed, a couple positive re-screenings. How can this happen to her? I just couldn't handle it. When I knew I had breast cancer (not, it was benign) I had this elaborate funeral planned for my breasts. A cement cross with pink flowers and ribbons all over it. I would hope they gave me the breasts the doctor removed, so I could plant them and then plant a pomegranate tree there. There's a metaphor in the Bible about breasts and pomegranates. Then, Floppy and Bob would be laid to REST IN PIECES. I would write RIP on the cross. Dolly Parton has tattoos on her scars, don't ask me where, 'cuz I don't know.... but tattoos, I would do it, just to GLAM it up. I would have a large Breast cake made and we would have a party with a couple fireworks to say goodbye.

Jeanie made me promise to get a mammogram. I've been putting it off because I'm scared of another failed test. Waiting is such agony. I called Friday, thinking it would be a few months, you know how booked these places are. No, I got caught. Saturday Mammogram at 9:15 a. Like Saturday school detention. I called Lori, my sister, and asked her what I needed to ask the technician and she told me when I have my mammogram, be sure and have the technician check the lymph nodes under my arms, we are built a little differently. I had forgotten that information or mental block there because it hurts a little bit. Lori reminded me she'd been after me since my birthday in October and also the Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

I can't go to the appointment that I made and I don't even want to go at all. I want to ride in the parade with my family, it's a tradition and we take-up almost two engines with our large family and Dustin and Steve drive. But, I made a promise and that's more important. I had forgotten, but did remember (thank you) from my sister to catch those under arm lymph nodes and I for sure ripped or tore-up my rear udder attachment. (translation is skin tearing) and it did. I was in a real hurry to get back to town even though I did do the exact speed limit. I went on Santa Paula Street and I checked down all the streets and found the fire trucks, still waiting, parked my car in a glorious parking spot and jumped on the step behind Steve. I was in the Santa Paula Christmas Parade, with a black and red ball cap on, huge sunglasses on, waving like Miss Guatemala; and something started hurting like blisters all around my chest. Yes, I knew what happened. How completely dumb, to let that ever, ever bother me. That thought was sooo trivial....I felt fine. I'm thankful for 100% soft cotton jersey clothes that I wear. Like usual, the pain was very short and this morning completely gone, but my head was thinking about my friend. It's a rough rode a head for Jeanie.

I know that we are in an earthly experience that there are those things that Heavenly Father allows to happen to us for some reason. Trials strengthen our faith and I know that we aren't given so much that we cannot pass through the trials. I choose my earthly life and all that goes with it in heaven. I can pray for her, I can do that and she asked to be put on the prayer rolls of the Temple and I'm so thankful to be able to do that for her.

I believe a lot of men want to retire and be mammogram techs. Glad it was a girl giving me the screening! I'm thankful for the sweet encouragement that she gave me. I'm also glad that the tech didn't use what I can't even bear to think about , but do....and it's a pickle picker. Looks like a medical instrument to pull the breast into place. Whew! They don't use these, except in bad dreams. When I get that note from your doctor saying, "All Clear!" I will forget the very, very slight discomfort. And by chance it comes back different than that and I need surgery--I say GLAM I'm GLAMIN' my new ones up and if I choose not to have reconstruction, I'm going to GLAM that space up-- have a party! Men make them out to be WAY more than they really are. I'm going horse back riding bra-less! To My Dear Friend Jeanie: YOU GO GIRL!!! Sooooo......moral of the story.......don't put off those monograms!


Breeda said...

I love you Mom. You are such a great friend to Jeanie. And she is awesome...I have always thought of her as Aunt Jeanie. I love you and I will call you later is snowing outside...welcome to December.

jenkinsfamliypost said...

You and Jeanie are friends from heaven. I am so glad that you have each other. you are a blessing to her and her to you. We are waiting on pins and needles with for the "all clear". I enjoyed sitting next to you at church yesterday. I love you.

Anonymous said...

oh susan....God is sooooo Good to give me a wonderful FRIEND IN YOU !!!! how blessed i really am. and,..i want to thank you also for the beautiful people/friends that you and steve 'built' for me to have in my life and in my families lives. ALL OF YOUR CHILDREN are JUST as wonderful. i love you..and i love that you wrote an uplifting 'sassy' you are always such a JOY!!!!!!!!!
i love you susan. and thanks for reminding women and reminding some 'men' readers to remind thier wives and daughters to maintain good breast health.
God Bless You and Yours Susan... ( :