Oh, For The Love of Wine

These kids are not underage in goat years.

I have wine in my barn and whenever one of the goats or sheep have pink-eye, I use Port Wine to cure the terrible malady that seems very contagious. Well, it’s a pink-eye humans don’t seem to get. However, I’m really careful about washin’ my hands after the treatment. I use a shot glass or spray bottle if the animal is a bit jumpy. Fill the wine in the shot glass half-full and hold it to their face, shakin’, makin’ sure the wine covers the whole eye. One would think this is a very labor intensive job if you own a lot of goats. I have to tell you that this is way better than the L.A. 200 shots. The animals literally scream and lay down when the L.A. 200 is administered. I accidentally hit myself ‘n the side of my thumbnail and shot the antibiotic in my thumb, ya’, it’s worse than any bee sting I ever had. I cried, jumped around, put ice on it, and went to the doctor. Horrible, but yes, it fixes pink-eye.

Wine, on-the-other-hand, hurts only the first time. The goats taste it and then can’t wait to have the next treatment around dinner time. They cry for it, “MAAAAAMAAAAA! MMMMOOOORREEE!! The goats get crazy. What can I say? Milk production does goes way up….Happy goats make…or is that cows?

Wine takes a week and by the time I’m through with the required mendin’ an’ the vision is back, the goats are stealin’ the bottle and chuggin’ down the liquor. The goats even try and lick each others faces. Goats never recover from the addiction to wine. I had to move the bottle and hide it on a high shelf. I caught Gypsy movin’ plastic chairs to climb-up to git the green bottle. No it’s a goat’s name, not my bogus or Internet name!

Have you ever smelled Port Wine? I opened the bottle up and I can’t even describe how horrible that stuff smells. Winos you are so nuts, it’s freakin’ rottin’ grapes. Goats drink this? The first time I bought it was at a chain drug store. I bought a few other things hopin’ no one would notice I was buyin’ wine. I knew everyone and even the checker, of course. Sooo….I turned and announced the truth to all. I will come clean and all will believe me because I will say it with conviction! “Aaahhhhh, this, bottle is for my…..goats.”

If any of you have been to our local drug store you know the lines are very long. No kiddin’, there were at least a dozen people behind me. One smarty guy said, “I haven’t heard that one before, bet ya’ keep it in the barn?” “Yes, I dooo.” I said meekly. Did I care? Yeee---aaahhh! My husband was the bishop.

The bottle is still there. The cork is on and I’ll bet it’s still stinky. I thought age helps or is that just me?

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