Monday, January 26, 2009

Quirky Old Fashioned Family Sayings. Part Two

This is part two...and if you want to see part one, click the above link and it will show you my little evil--hee..hee, dad. I don't know where in the "Sam Hill" the whole family suddenly remembers these "sayings" in great bursts. My siblings and children keep sending me stuff Grandpa (Dad) said, especially my mom. Sorry Sam, I didn't mean to use your name in vain...Who is he? Which reminds me....in Fillmore there was a store... a long time ago (I'm 58 years old) I will always remember everyone in town used a person's surname as a cuss word. My dad didn't, and you know, it makes me so teary that he knew that was mean and hurtful to the family. My dad wouldn't use it and if we ever got caught using that word our "a#@ was grass and he was the lawnmower" That actually is funny because our lawnmower was so hard to push. He'd surely "peter-out" before he got to us. I am still in shock thinking about that. GASP!...That's someone's name? Stupid boys at school.

Calling people dumb...yes, we all did... but here's a few ones and those popular ones in the the 90's like: "porch light on, nobody home" stuff wasn't at all used, popular or in "REDNECK IN STYLE" sayings. I just heard a couple of those. Similar anyway.

Like:

"His dad is his sister" Pertaining to intelligence.

"He could throw himself down on the ground, and miss. He's so stupid"

"You look like you've been drawn through a keyhole backward"

"Just you calling the kettle black" Not racial, pleeesssee...It meant.... all kettles are black and you are one too! I would say.... criticizing another girl, "That girl wears too much make-up!" "Well, if you aren't callin' the kettle black?" Take that "crap" (substitute word) off your eyes, young lady!

My Mom told me that she always took away Dad's knife. She was constantly telling him,"You clean your fingernails, cut bull-calves, and now you're cuttin' your food? Gimme that!"

"It's just Rocky-Mountain Oysters" Instantly, Mom, Lori, and I would lose 5-8 pounds because they are in the "ice-box" duhr...fridge.. in canning jars. I still say ice-box, sofa, handbag, and tin foil. Honestly, I can't recall all that I say that's old...because in my mind, I'm saying it the right way. Does that make sense? BTW, The jars looked heinous! Ewwww.

"They're dancin' crazier than a sprayed bug"

"You'd never see that from a galloping horse" Oh my gosh, I've used this all my married life. Any time my girls made a dress and the seam was a little crooked or they didn't make something perfect. I know that saying was from Tressa Leary in our ward.

"If it was a snake it'd bit ya'' I said that yesterday.

"All those cars out in the back 40 are going to pot!" I said that, and I meant, H-E-double hockey sticks when I said pot. (not Marijuana ha ha)

"Those goats are harder to herd than cats." Me, again

"Don't you be beatin' a dead horse." Directed to me by all my folks when I was young.

"That idiot up da road, if he had any sense, he'd be using that high-horse truck money for an education"

"Don't let the door hit ya' where the Lord split ya'" That was sent to me by my cousin. I probably heard it before. Fur sure.

"Watched pot never boils" ha, ha, ha reminds me of a story about Steve's mother. My husband's grandmother said to Dune,"Watch that pot so it won't burn, while I go across the road" My mother-in-law was 13? She watched it and watched it and it still burned.

"Rabbit's have four furry rabbit's feet, and they aren't lucky, huh, dad?" My Marnie to my Steve shooting the Cotton-tailed rabbits. Sounds sweet, huh? They're dirty varmits with fleas, mites, rabbit fever, and some really, ugly disease that kills domesticated rabbits. And....they eat all my flowers when they have a whole forest with food. Ever heard of "Bunnicula" It's a real book and rabbits really growl.

"I have a bone to pick w'them... dang vermin." Yes, I do.

"I'm gonna' beat ya like a red-headed step-child." My grandson, Tanner, told me that one and he's red-headed and I thought he made that up quote up all by himself. He is a comic! Absolutely no similarity to "Carrot-top," more like Adam Sandler, but shorter.

"Quit playing possum" Actually, if you get near a playing dead, possum, they will growl at you and they have tons of sharp teeth. They are HUGE RATS crawling with baby rats (baby possums)on their backs.

"That nut doesn't fall far from the tree" This IS the NUTHOUSE!

"Don't fret 'bout it, just do the best and let the rough end drag"

"The wheel's turning, but the hamster's dead" Thanks, anonymous. That made MY day....

"Cow kicked by a mule!" Explanation needed here. A cow has perfect peripheral vision and can kick a red soda can outta' your hand and not hit 'ya. Yes, it was my Dr. Pepper can. A mule however, kicks harder than...I don't know an animal that kicks harder. So if you get "cow kicked by a mule" you're in deep stuff.

"Blind in one ear and can't see out of the other one" my husband, a long time ago. He had a red-neck friend named Ron Meadows. Actually, he's full of it.

"As useful as a sidesaddle on a pig" We have a side-saddle and we had pigs so my dad made a good point. However, riding pigs anywhere was fun especially in mud. I like to think it was clean mud, but I don't think so. We had to shower with the hose in the back-yard and then go take a bath. Then, throw-away our clothes and not be able to go to Sunday School.

"Cute as a bug's ear" "Cute as a bug" Our Larin is "Bug" and as a baby, my Grandpa O'Connor called her the "Bug-eyed Baby" We named her to make him happy, a real Irish name, Larin Luree, and he always called her the "Bug-eyed Baby." Never called her anything else. Actually, I could make a blog posts of just his nick-names for people. Like, Bubble-butt or Liver Lips, etc. Yes, me. Nice, huh? They were given with love.

"Close the back door, you raised in a barn?" My kids always answered yes because I would bring baby goats in the house to feed them. They were in a large kennel most of the time...yes, they were...Actually, the goats learned to open our front door, you know the kind of door knob in Jurassic Park? Oh, this is sounding really bad...yes, goats loose in our yard and they leave a very obious trail.

"Your barn door is open!" There's more to that, but I was never allowed to say the rest. I always thought it, though. Bad! I've got to quit this quote stuff, maybe I'll do a number three way later, or even better....old firehouse sayings.

"So now I'm caught between a rock and a hard place" and "I can't never do nothin" just the way I planned.

Oh no! I just found another word document with quotes that I didn't use. Guess I will put more up later. I suppose this was more our own family...maybe all these sayings were what we heard as kids and think they are all ours. Could that possibly be?

My dad's all time, every single night, saying was......instead of....me saying, "I'm tired of you kids fightin', jumpin' and wigglin!" He'd say, "Go upstairs and take a bath!" My sister Lori and I crack-up all the time over our dad saying that. She reminded me to post it on my blog. Yes....Actually, we say it to each other. Hey! I need to use, "Go take a bath!" to Kiely while she's still at home.

"Hey!" "Hay is for horses and straw is cheaper, grass is free, and if you marry the farmer's daughter, you get all three." Is that right, Steve? You know--Steve...? You just plowed and disced all the grass.

****This saying is for me, it IS me....."Ask her what time it is and she'll tell you how to build a clock" Yay! My own saying that fits me perfectly.

My post has run outta' space. I've done 'nuff damage to the Queen's English for today. I need clean-up a bit, fix my "Sea Hag" hair and get out the putty knife. Crap! I just told someone it was "sea nag" but it's "SEA HAG" Oh, I'm a mess....and as "ugly as a mud fence" QUIT!!

****I didn't clean-up well. Added at 5:30pm: The curlers didn't work and I left them in a long time. I have a woman's short, ugly mullet. Kiely stole my make-up including the cover-up so the green stuff shows through (scary) and last, but not least, I had to resort to glitter-bare minerals and my face and neck look like I'm having one of my own "personal summer's," non-stop.
English Gone Bad, Old Fashioned Sayings, Please Don't Read

6 comments:

WatsonFamily said...

I read it, I laughed and I Love it!

I love you mom!

The Knappy Crew said...

Bug-eyed....bug-eyed????? How mean!! jk
BTW you don't have a mullet, and you don't look like racoon. It's all in your head.

Lazenby Family News said...

I HAVE a mullet! Kiely was honest about it. If you cover back with green it irons out to just sorta' pink. I'm posting your bug-eyed pictures!

Steve said...

Susan,
I love the blog. My family remembers our grandparents talking like that all the time and now we still do. I'm sure you have been buried with others but here are a few our family remembers and ,yes, still uses them. They just slip out every once in a while. Here goes...
She's as ugly as homemade soap.
If the Lord don't know him any better than I do, he's a lost soul.
I'm worn out!
he's as old as dirt
I believe the whole Bible, from Genesis to the maps!
He's as worthless as a tit on a boar.
He's so green you could stick him in the black top and he'd sprout.
I bought it at the dime store.
You'll be hitting the high gypsum with one gallus down.
He's as dumb as a door nail.
He's as nervous as a ho in church.
If I had another freckle, I'd have to hold it in my hand.
It's just a pig in a poke.
He's so mean, heaven don't want em and hell won't take em.

Any of those sound familiar?

Betty said...

susan...my family used these types of saying all the time..."six of one, half dozen of the other", " busier than a one-legged man at a rump-kicking", as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs", "happier than a dead pig in the sunshine" (NEVER understood that one), "she/he could eat corn through a picket fence", lots more..talk to my mom sometime....one of my favorites came from my dad's mom..seems she was watching some sort of singing contest on tv..the host interviewed the singer before she performed... she said she worked in a laundry...evidently the woman wasn't a good singer, so after her performance, the host said "well, i'm afraid it's back to the laundry, madam"....my grandma thought that was funny ..."back to laundry, madam" is the quote my mom has used for years....i was only 5 when she passed so i appreciated hearing a story about her sense of humor....hope you and your family are well...your grandbabies are darling......bb

Betty said...

just reread my posted comment...seems a little unclear, and i thought i proof read it...it's late (that's my story and i'm sticking to it)..sounded like my mom passed...i meant to say my grandma.......forgive the typos.......