I Was A Disaster Waiting To Happen, Don't Hold It In

Simply, today-- I felt the Spirit in Relief Society to bear my testimony. I am in Young Women and really the chance to be in Relief Society is a special occasion for me. It's been years since I have been able to make the testimony part of R.S. and I felt like I needed to stand. I couldn't move my feet, so I just stood. I think I mostly just said how I felt, as in the post below, minus the alligators. I gave no details, but I stopped talking when the Spirit was so strong it burned deeply in my heart and all of my chest, that I started to cry. That experience was the most, I can't exactly define it.... but it was a fiery, burning in my heart to comfort me. I was overwhelmed, it was real, so intense, and as odd as it sounds to person that is not LDS, it was the most comforting feeling I've ever had. I couldn't stop crying and everyone gathered around me and loved me. My sisters in Relief Society were there with compassion and love that I felt part of a sisterhood that only angels in heaven could give. I love them all so much. I think I cried hard on every shoulder.

I was very near fainting and had the most severe, sudden headache. I believe from the force of my crying and trying so completely hard to gather myself together and stop! It made my head feel like it was bursting. Dear Sister Brock gave me some chewable Tylenol and I hugged on Larin's husband and he almost carried me to the car--I completely lost my headache as I got in my FJ. I went home. I was a disaster waiting to happen. I know that there must be an acronym for it. DWTH

I've been strong...trying to not be upset in front of the little kids, the rest of my family, especially Kiely, or upset Steve. He has cried so very much.

Today was Jaxon's birthday and I was a mess after church. I'm embarrassed that I lost my composure at church in front of so many, but it was wonderful to have the sisters there to give me their love and support as well as a burning witness of the Holy Ghost. They don't know and it's not just one huge trial, it involves many things happening all at once. A convergence of unhappy situations that are way too complex to explain, especially one of the most sad.

Please all of you that visit my blog and don't even know me or my family---think of our family in your prayers.

****Added Monday, Feb. 2, 2009: I just want to let everyone know my post, last night, was not meant to mean that I'm special or in anyway deserving of all that I received. I felt so humbled by the experience that I went to my knees in thankfulness. Really... it was a reassurance to me that my Heavenly Father is really aware of each one of us and I needed that reassurance for not only me, but for all of our family. I love them all beyond absolutely anything in my life.

Love, Prayers, Sisters in Relief Society, Testimony