Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Valentine's Day Post. This is About My Lips.. My Lips .. My Giant Freakin' Lips..

I didn't have a chance. My gene's had big lips. Hey, my dad's name is Gene. But he wasn't the only big-lipped one. My mother, the Irish one. Yes, she puts red lipstick on, still. Glad she doesn't read this stuff. To my little sister Lori: I'm telling you...don't print this out!

Finally, after years and years my lips are in style. My eyebrows went out of style (Brook Shield's 1990) but my lips have been just right for only about 6 or 7 years. Why were they so big when everyone else had little Tinkerbell lips? Was it to keep me out of trouble or what? This isn't a new observation. I was so overwhelmed when I first heard that someone increased their lips with stuff (?) to make their lips BIGGER!

I was born with very large lips. I knew I could scream louder, but other than that, I didn't think I was that much different than anyone else. I was in the 4th grade when I saw my school picture that I noticed that I had big, puffy lips in my school picture. My mom told me my lips were chapped and yes, that made sense. The east wind blows at the beginning of school which equals very chapped lips and I also seemed to get poison oak on my face in the fall. You know Poison Oak is just sticks ... I always got FATTER lips when I had poison oak and my lips were swollen from a running through the "sticks". HO, HO, HO, I couldn't laugh, my lips would crack! This began my inferior-complex.

Okay this is going to be a long post. You know when you ask me what time it is, I'll tell you how-to-build-a clock-type of person!

My lips have a good-side. When I was little I could pout better than anyone! I could look like the sad kitty on the Shrek movie and always get my way. I could do kissy-face better and I could even point with my lips, when my hands were busy.

Seventh grade was horrible. Thin, thin lips were in. Actually, for the next five years thin lips were in. I hated my fat lips. All my friends called me: "liver-lips" and "fishy-lips" Did I outline them? Are you kidding? I put on white lipstick on them constantly to try and have "no lips". My mom told me later that the white lipstick just made them look bigger and she meant better because she was okay with her large lips, but mostly...she didn't want to freak- me - out by saying I was emphasizing them. Thank you. I would look in the mirror with the horror of my five daughters .. if they noticed a pimple on their chin. ACCCCKKK! They all were growing a new nose or chin! How could they dare complain? Their stupid pimples went away. My lips were here, still.

As you are reading this you are thinking, I know, "Poor girl..." But you don't understand my lips were dang targets. Dogs would jump-up to lick my face and knock me in the lips. I went to the Junior Prom, with a fat, big, purple top lip. Slammed doors on them, and they got so sunburned because they were sooooo out there.

Target kissy lips. Before I was married a lot of guys kissed me. Yes, I'll confess but I didn't kiss them. I was so afraid of my lips feeling all squishy and fishy. I should be thankful my lips didn't get me in trouble. I was so self-conscious my lips, so I should just thank my lips for not giving me a bad reputation.

Some interesting side notes: Does everyone open their lips to put mascara on or am I the only one? Why do I do this? Why when feeding a baby I purse or pucker my lips to help the babies suck. I do that even feeding baby lambs or the baby goat kids. I know my lips are going to stay like that, all wrinkly. Oh my gosh, big, fat, wrinkled-up lips! Hope they don't sag.

Not too long ago a big, yearling Santa Cruz (growing horns) ram lamb was running past me. I knelt down in the wrong predator position and the dang lamb. Well, I remember seeing flying white fluff that was hard as a boulder hit my lips and nose. My front teeth went through my fat lips. I also had a broken nose and it was a technical knock-out. I was found wandering around in the front of our house, seeing stars. Yes, that describes the lamb "knocking the daylights out of me." I was in the night with the stars. "COAL-COCKED!"

Recently, I have had face cancer. A lot of it on my lips. PEOPLE WEAR SUNSCREEN AND DON'T DO TANNING BEDS, YOU'LL BE VERY SORRY!!!! The medication was strong and my lips swelled to more than 3X normal size. My doctor told me that there won't be scars because lips don't scar. Well, he's right about the outside, but I still have fatter lips because of the ram lamb. The no scaring on my lips makes me want to give away lots of kisses of appreciation.

"I've grown accustomed to my face" (My Fair Lady song) Well, except for now I'm a putty knife while my scars fade. I can still use my pout, point without hands, smile a lot and give kisses to my grandchildren. BTW Don't use "puffer lip-stick" when kissing babies. You'll leave a mark! Babies must be scared of me... Old lady with "big fishy lips" and glasses comin' at me. Reminds me of Ernest P. Worrell, or Jim Varney dressed as a woman. Do you remember his character Auntie Nelda? You NEED to "You Tube" it. That's so funny, I make myself laugh.

***Added Feb. 12, 2009. These are my daughter's lips, she is the middle child and has two young children. She has the hives and has had them for two months or more. Something she is allergic is making the hives and her lips are huge. She doesn't have these lips normally. I FEEL her pain. Hope the new doctor makes the lips and the freakin' hives "GO AWAY!!" I love you and your mom is rooting for you. "YOU CAN DO IT" from some random Adam Sandler movie.

Big Lips, Boby O'Connor Wellman, DNA, Gene Wellman, and Susan Wellman Lazenby


Breeda said...

Love this post Mom! I love how this is a type of Family History for all of us to read. I love it.

Breeda said...

Thanks Mom, I moving now and I will have a better Dr. (I hope) And really I have always wished I had your lips gene. :() <- you like has big lips haha!

jenkinsfamliypost said...

cute post mother. i love the big lips bree that is great. i hope your doc will stinkin' fix your problem.