Yep, Here's my soft- hearted dad. Gene Wellman.
More Quirky Family Sayings:
I can't help posting these because they keep arriving either by emails from my family or I remember them and bust-out laughing, all by myself. I hope I can refrain from the original version of some, because they are a bit rough. Some I need to delete altogether. My father was not known for his holding back on the "blue talk" He couldn't fake it, not even at fancy dinner parties and dances. Poor mom. I can actually see her face. Hmmmm. Actually, it looks just like the "stink-eye" I get from my husband at the family dinner table, at church, and at parties. OOPS! I'm just going to list them and if they need some.."splangin' to do" maybe I'll add a little bit to help with the meaning. Actually, some of these are so obvious to me, I didn't realize that maybe those who visit my blog from other countries would not understand me a bit. Like those Australians. Wow! Have they started a new language or what?
Let's start with me this morning:
"You look like death warmed over" description of how I look at this moment, with "prairie chicken" hair and no make-up
"Why don't you take a one-way trip on the Shut-up Express (shut-up is a bad word at our house)
"As Useful as a chocolate fireman"
"A buzzard pooped (alternate word) him on a log, and the sun hatched him"
"I'm freezin' my tail off"
"Fixin' to____________ (add anything you are going to do)
"I might could do that" maybe
I want to add here that my family has tried to make me less of a nag by just saying, "Yes, Mom," "Yes, Dear" or "Whaaaat!?" You know...like they didn't hear me. Not smarty, but it actually ticks me off and they know it! Dad says to them, " Just say...'Yes, Mom." AACCCKKK! "That would make a tadpole slap a whale" "Makes me so pickin' mad."
I have to add another note here...sorry, I just have ta' go off again with... Why would our folks tell us eat this oatmeal so it'll "stick to our ribs" ? And, then say in the afternoon, "Don't swaller that gum or it'll stick to yer ribs forever"? Shouldn't I just chew a lot of gum and swaller it?
"That gives me the willies" "goose-bumps" "Shivers"?
"Don't stir the mud"
"Don't open a THAT can of worms"
"The more you stir crap (%@#) the worse it stinks"
"That's gonna' itch when it dries"
"Who tooted in church?" I won't say which one of my kids said that, but it was loud.
"They're no better than they should be"
"Tighter than a tick with Lockjaw" Lockjaw is Tetanus
"Well, Well, Well, three holes in the ground" Steve's dad-- lol
"That kid has the Elevens" II Runny nose
"As a crow flys" Don't take the road, it's shorter as the 'crow-flys'
"Wish in one hand and spit(#$%@) in the other and see which one gets filled the faster."
"You can't touch pitch and figure you won't get dirty"
"Up to your arm pits in alligators, drain the swamp" Yes, one of my favorites!
"Don't let that money burn a hole in your pocket"
"More than one way to skin a cat"
"Are you growing potatoes in those ears?"
" He's the low-man on the totem pole"
"Old as Moses toes"
"That's as purty then a slab of butter and sryup on a stack of buckwheat pancakes"
"Uglier than a blue nosed donkey or was it gopher?" "I'll be a blue nose gopher" That's it! Quote from the Mickey Mouse Club when I was a little girl watching, sigh...."Spin and Marty" the ranch boys.
"You hairy gut" The worse thing you could call a person...my brothers, when they were little.
"I bet that guys rear (#$%) is pinchin' the car seat" Close call from gettin' in a wreak
I just thought of something....you know if someone has the hiccups... ask them to do it again and you'll give them a dollar. The hiccups usually stops. This doesn't work twice.
And...if you are doing something quite obvious, like when my children just wouldn't give up the yackin' at me, saying, "Mommy, (Mom, Ma, Mother, SUSAN!) "wud ya' doing?" I would say something totally "off the wall" or not apparent. Like, "Sewing levis," "Driving to Texas,""Plucking a Chicken" "Eating ice cream" never mind, I didn't use that one.
"Don't have a penny to rub against another one"
"If I want somethin' outta ya' I'll squeeze yur head"
"Cold as well diggers in a Minnesota winter"
"Ding Dang, if that ain't?" not so
"Yer lyin and yer feet don't match!" or "yer socks, shoes, etc. don't match" Fun saying, except when you dressed the kid or the dad.
"If you make me do that, I'll have to hurt you"
"Are grandma's legs that skinny or is she riding a chicken" Honestly Dune...I didn't mean you.
" You COME to a goat's house for wool?" Well, here you get both. But this saying is used for
"Don't get in that car without a Tetanus shot first"
"If ifs were and buts were candy and nuts, it would be Christmas every day of the year" Steve's dad.
"They're running like their feet were on fire and their rear (#@%) was catchin"
"Her face could scare the skin off a snake"
"It snowing down south" Your slip is showing
"Keep it under your hat" Don't tell
"They're like squirrels, the woods is full of them" We say, "They're just like rats, the basement is full of them." or "They're just like fleas, the basement is full of them" Whatever!
"Mad enough to eat barbed wire and spit nails"
"Be like a tree and leaf" leave! Steve's dad
"Make like horse apples ($%#@) and hit the trail"
"Like frilly socks on a rooster" She has ankles that are petite
"I'll put a knot on your head a calf could suck"
"Is that the same mouth you kiss your mother with" I've used that at the county fair, chewing out the boys (and girls) in 4-H and FFA. Dang, they think I was invisible, or what?
"Pull the door shut" "Pull the drawer shut"
"Get off the car" means, get out of the car, in Spanglish
"It's in back of beyond"
"Just ain't no fun when the rabbits got the gun"
"That's just as plain as a pig on the sofa" or duck or goat or horse or cow lol Only thing that hasn't been on my sofa is a full grown horse or a pig. Anyone for staying on the sofa at my house?
"Does a one legged duck swim in circles?"
"Does a snake have hips?"
"Eleven cats couldn't clean that boy up"
"Get your ears lowered" Getting a hair-cut
"Happier than a pig in the sunshine" Yes, they like it, but they get sunburned easy, so pigs need lots of cover.
"Funnier than a wagon of monkeys"
"He (She) could fall down walkin' from the house to the barn" Actually, everyone says that to me.
"The missionaries were here and one has a hollow leg" Eats like crazy
"She just kicked the bucket" She passed-away
"He would want a new rope to be hung" Bad person with a rich attitude
"Don't you marry a local Yokel" Yes, my mother said that all the time! I did marry a local Yokel, he lived west of town and he "Didn't have a row to hoe, either"
"Here dad comes heck ($#%%) bent for leather" My dad never ever hit me, ever. Except I let all the horses out at night (herd) and when he got the horses in again, "He flew off the handle, big time" and I ran in the house to play like I was watching TV. He asked me if I had just an inklin' of what a (time he had) I can't even use his language. I said, "What do I look like... a crystal ball?" EWWWW not good, choice there. Sooooo, I "high-tailed it" and he ran just as fast---"Chewing my tail ($%%) the whole way and "cussin....." I know his face looked like "He kissed the wrong end of a baby" and he got winded by yellin', cussin', and hollering at me--so he chucked a rock at me and hit me right in the butt. Yes, alcohol was involved and it wasn't me.
The moral of the story is...dads if you hit your daughter in the butt with a rock, you will be forever sorry and your daughter will probably made $100's of dollars over that incident. I even got to take his truck to the football game. I got my driver's license the day before and I was to never tell my mom, 'cuz my dad cried. Sad story, huh?! I think the "crystal ball, back-sass talk" just "Put him over the edge" He really, really never hit me except the rock. I oughta' go outside and find that ol' rock, it was right next to the arena! lol
Last one for now: Don't eat watermelon seeds or you'll have vines growing out of___________
Did I tell you about the missionary that came to dinner?.... (5 giggly farm girls YW and Dustin a YM, at the dinner table with us and four missionaries) He was from the city and of course, monopolizing the whole conversation about how great he was. He happened to glance out the kitchen window and said he wanted to go out and milk our Holstein. The bull's name was Stupid and we were saving him for the freezer. Oh yeah, that was a fun night. "If he'd had a brain he'd be dangerous." I'm not talking 'bout the bull! Later, my niece offered to cut that missionary's hair (it needed it) "The bull scared it straight." She cut it and then dyed it red, he was one of those really blond, know-it-all, Utards. I think he plain forgot this portion of his mission and I'll bet it wasn't in his "Report of His Mission" in his home ward.
Bree just sent me another from Arkansas from her librarian, she said,"My tongue gets wrapped around my idea & I can't see what I'm saying"
Don't we just have colorful expressions? Links to my other posts of quirky family sayings: here, and here, and this one. Oh, and here and this one is my favorite with my grand daughter being the little Arkie that she is. She is just so sweet and I love and miss you so much (tinker) Bella Jane!
This picture is from my daughter in Arkansas and is NOT ME in the trailer. I'm not sure I could load my butt up on the rocker. This picture was taken by a man that works with my daughter's husband. It's not real plain where he is, but it's downtown, I think, Fort Smith. A son is going to the drive-thru smoke shop with his mother in a rocking chair in the wagon behind and she's in her nightgown. I think she wanted to go for a ride. A little too....Adam Sandler, was that in the movie?Gene Wellman, Old Fashioned Sayings, Quirky sayings