This is such a weird coincidence to the point I'm a little leery of posting about this. Am I really Alice Cullen?
Recently another blogger, whom I just love, was thinking along the same lines as I was. She posted back to me about our parallel thoughts. The subject was on Mommy Blogs and was about "What would you change if you could and go back a younger teenager, knowing what you know now?" Just like the not-so-new song of Brad Paisley "Letter To Me." Okay. What would a young person do differently... if they knew the wisdom of just a few years spin, would give them? It seems to be on so many mother's minds to give their daughter's a letter about it. We flow together as a group. We're thinking about issues that haunt our brains.
So... I'm thinking now... along new lines, men are gorillas and women are snakes. I know, I know. I took the physical anthropology in college right when I joined the Church. Crazy me, fight with the teacher, "that's heard it all" even in 1970! I promptly dropped the class to show my disgust with "his" theories. I even did a paper on Darwinism in high school of course I got an A++ and abruptly took a radical change, really, "Errrrt", skid stop... when I became LDS. I'm more mellow now.
I know evolution is a true fact, but slight, like our Santa Cruz Island Sheep that adapted to feral living on a very small island. They are very different than normal sheep. They really are. The sheep have evolved into....later.
This is my theory: Men are evolved from gorillas and women evolved from snakes. That's just it. So, today I look at the news headlines that my husband always leaves open on the computer and on the side bar there's this guy complaining that the media is making children believe "men are gorillas" I HAD to laugh.. Yes....they are...!Look closely at this man..He has new clothes and new shoes, but his hunched over body and hairy, messy face, and messy gorilla hair---just plain gave him away! Arrh, arrh, rohuu!! Home Improvement quote, Tim Allen. See?
Why did he pose for that picture that way? Unconsciously, he knows he's an ape. Check out the other picture of the Gorilla book that he's saying is bad for children. New clothes doesn't change the gorilla!
I could complain about, lets see?... Why does Disney kill off every mother in everyone of their movies and the if there is a "mother-figure" she's mean and evil?" Just showing an argument could be made about anything. It makes me so sad that Bambi's mother was shot and Nemo's mother died. N-E-M-O? The "kid fish is an EMO". Disney, you are clever!
Another interesting thing is every TV show makes the kids to be smart and the parents "dumber than a rock" otherwise, you think the growing, immature children would watch it? Let's see..."Growing Pains" The dad, played by Alan Thicke was a psychiatrist and Kirk Cameron was the actually head of the household and KNEW all the answers. Boys! They are gorillas from the start. All shows are like that, if they want an audience. Wish I had the wit of multiple writers at the tip of my tongue.
I'm now going to draw some comparisons. It's about Gorillas and Men. I will use the Fireman theme later, like the race to be..."First In!" meaning the FIREFIGHTER was the first inside the burning building and the "courageous DUDE OR DUDETTE" is facing the fire monster and is "brave." There's a lot a blogging to do about that subject. Yeee-aahhh, it's a gorilla-thing.
- Gorillas are all hairy. If they aren't hairy, they wish they were. And..if they do have lots of hair they are thinking that girls, on-the-other-hand, don't like it, so they get it shaved-off. Or whatever! Snake skin is very smooth. We women are smooth in other ways as well. uhhmmm. So show those muscles and do the "poser." Just like a gorilla, Gov.Arnold! Encino Man quotes, "I’ve got the raddest deodorant on, dude. Smell my pits." Latino man at the bar asks, "Do you wanna be a man, essay?" Pauly Shore back, "Eventually, look I’m almost there." "Look at my patch bro…?" Chest Hair! If you don't know Encino Man it's a movie from 1992 about an Ape Man. He eats flies, like... is it MTV's Jack A%@?
- Gorilla Men all wish t
hey had the hugest lifted truck, bigger than Arizona or Texas trucks.
- Gorillas pound their chests at every opportunity. My brother, Brad saw a mountain gorilla in Africa between Gabon and Congo. He works on the west coast for the oil fields. And the Silver-back Gorilla and my brother just looked at each other. My brother is a gorilla. They did the defiant and predator "stare-down." Can you quit that? No.
- The "Men" love to be hunters, not the "hunted." TRUE? And they like guns, fishing...crap like that.
- Oh, and they like giving orders. This is a BIG ONE (This blog may lead to a divorce) but, as a "snake" I say "Yes, Sir!" "Captain, Sir" "Is there anything else I can do for you?" Shuts him up.
- You have to really boost their ego constantly. Many things fall into this category. They are always right, "See I told you." Gorillas ask if you can see their tan? "You didn't notice my haircut!" and you're thinking..."It's just a plain butch!" And...if they cook, take you out, buy you anything....you better show how much you appreciate them or they will hold it against you FOREVER!
- This is the last, but I have more. Gorilla's like to frown, so people take him seriously and that falls really... under the "pounding of the chest" category. Ever look at a happy gorilla? The frown lines on the face of a very happy gorilla are there forever, they still frown!
- Oh...Oh... one more, one more...they play like apes. And...they have done the ape dance instinctively since they were wee children.
Be Sure and Turn off my Music Player or you will be really confused by this video!
Now, I'm going to talk about Women: Yeah, this should be good, not really, and you'll hate to hear it. It's only a list of four but I'm so tired, and if I tell too much, busted!
- First of all we like to hypnotize the Gorillas into thinking it was their idea. Yes, we do. Gorillas say, "You can shop, but you only get one dress. Snakes find 10 dresses and beg and beg...and finally you compromise on five. Aha! You only wanted the five anyway.
- Almost all, all... woman are sneaky when it comes to housecleaning. You work your behind off taking care of the kids and Gorilla-man is on his way home, so you quickly ram-slam stuff in the oven, in the closet, under the bed and the sofa. Gorilla comes in and looks around and announces he's had a hard day and he's glad he's home and off for a "4-Day" (that's fireman talk) Oh, poor husband. Man! (gorilla) Am I going to get a talkin' too about THIS? Steve IS MY COOK and DISH WASHER. His mom was a snake, too. Steve, I love your mother! But, think about it? Who cooked at your house and did the dishes? Your DAD! "Little snake where do you belong?" I love that!
- I beguile him at every turn. I know where I'm going, so when I'm giving directions AND if we happened to get not exactly where we were supposed to go. I say, "Why do you listen to "that woman" on the GPS?" Ever wonder...THAT it's a snake-woman? "Your door is ajar!" or "At the next opportunity make a hairpin left turn!" The "car" is talking to you in a woman's voice. That voice is the default. I would hate the voice to be a mans, but that's just my opinion and I would complain to my dear husband that his voice was rough and demanding. I would convince him that my tender heart just can't take it. I'm such a snake.
- I love wrapping my legs and arms all around him because I'm so cold and he's so nice and hot. I suck the heat away from his body. He says in the morning...you were so cuddly last night. Yeah, I was...hee hee.Ever read The Fasinating Girl? It's by Helen B. Aldelin or Fascinating Womanhood? I love those books! They are way out there on the RIGHT, as in Nazi-world, but the woman of the new century could adapt the ideas cleverly and make them as updated as she needs. Why not? Oh, dishonest...leading a man. That's what they want! This is straight from the intro on the book...
- What traits today's men find irresistible in a woman
- How to awaken a man's deepest feelings of love
- Eight rules for a successful relationship
- How to rekindle your love life
- How to bring out the best in your man--and reap the rewards
- Plus special advice for the working woman--and much more!
I feel thankful that almost all men and women have evolved some from their origins and have adapted well to modern society. Lots of women like to fish and hunt. Lots of men like to dress cute. I won't go there. But what it boils down to is: We are compromising with each other. I'm not a naughty snake, just a "Go-Fer" snake and I'm so thankful that my dear husband is still a Gorilla. Wouldn't you just go crazy if he asked you, "Do my pits look too hairy?" Please don't blog me if your Gorilla has said that.
The hypnotizing snake, is Kaa, fromthe Jungle Book . If you listen carefully to the voice, it is a bit feminine. Yes, that's part of the fascination, attraction, and mystic of the Snake.
My husband just read this and said:
"Pretty proud of yourself" "That's a CROCK!" "Yeah, I know, huh?"
Disclaimer: For My Entertainment Purposes Only.
hahaha! - First of all we like to hypnotize the Gorillas into thinking it was their idea. Yes, we do. Gorillas say, "You can shop, but you only get one dress. Snakes find 10 dresses and beg and beg...and finally you compromise on five. Aha! You only wanted the five anyway.
No comments:
Post a Comment