Sunday, April 11, 2010

This Place is Just A Reality TV Show, Without The Video. Plus Added Urine Cures

For Sale To Any Gypsy Family:

My Grown Children.
Will work as full-time babysitters and wagon-cleaners for food.
But, it has to be "Vegan."

I get all the grand children. Pause ..... I changed my mind. Fifteen grandchildren at once, uh. They would not make it on this place, and I would have to run-away.

My husband called from work at the Fire Station and asked, "How are you doing?" I said, "Oh, did you see my Facebook status?" I then proceeded to tell my husband that I had my life all figured-out and just minutes ago and I posted it on Facebook. "Did you read my post?" "No." and he started laughing like crazy, "So, you have yourself all figured-out?" More laughing, laughing, and me sitting here with a puzzled-look, and me resenting the fact that he can't take me seriously. SERIOUSLY, I think I everyone is crazy, but me.

I'm skipping Church because I wore cowboy boots, ran across the arena to break-up dogs fighting and with grandchildren in the middle, and I took my heart medication with soda pop. Actually, that made me feel like I had been blown-out with a shot gun in the back!

I should have gone to Church! Dang Dixie, the visiting dog, tripped me outside. Dixie running to bite our horse, Banner, and I was running to make her stop. Running! Really, serves me right. I needed that lesson. I am better! Just a couple of chewable cherry Tylenol. I could have gone to Church and been fine. I'm such a whiner. Hold on ...The dogs are fighting AGAIN! Okay...large fight on Ojai Road. Now, I'm glad I was here.

Reason for this post: I just found out that this week is Family Abuse Week. Sheesh! I never, ever get a break!
Gammy's Rules:

1. No peeing off the front porch. I don't care if you're are afraid of Mayflies. Why do Mayflies pick my bathroom to die.The long legged-bugs are just large and don't eat little kids.  Mayflies aka "kid eaters" The truth is they do NOT have a mouth. (and that should give you bad dreams) They don't even eat mosquitoes while they fly. There is no excuse! "Go" in the bathroom!

2. No popcorn in the living room. It sticks to my bare feet and feels icky.

3. Hit the target area, I painted in the toilet. Grand daughters are exempt. But everyone always has to check for "tinkle" on the seats. BTW Mothers..I used fingernail polish before and this was a paint pen. Urine dissolves paint pen paint. Say that three times real fast! lol I'm getting porcelain paint at JoAnn's and try that.
4. No nose-blowouts anywhere, ever. Not even in the "Forbidden Forest" Take a hankie with you. I don't like "elevens," either. Do not use your T-shirt or dress.
5. Don't play in the snakes! Don't march through tall grass or even play under the porches or in any of the rock piles! You are NOT allowed in the "Forbidden Forest" "Jurassic Park" or the "River-bed" EVER!

6. Do not stand on anything but the flat ground and don't run on the pavement.
7. Never hurt each other! Never throw rocks! Never throw sticks! I can actually think of tons more nevers, but if you think just for a second on anything you do and know it's not right. STOP!
8. Watch out for everyone and help them. Little kids copy big kids and that leads to danger.
9. There will be ABSOLUTELY NO GUN SHOOTING ALLOWED! You can pretend shoot, but DO NOT EVER POINT A GUN AT ANY PERSON, EVER. Not even a toy gun. That list includes knives, swords, sticks that are swords, or rocks as grenades. Never shoot a birdie of any kind and I hate those plastic BBs. They do not recycle and animals can eat those plastic tiny balls by mistake, even real BBs. I hate to break the news to you -- but they really, really hurt. I was shot in the arm from far-away by a neighbor and I bled. The mark is still there after 40 years.

1o. Kiely is not a little kid and an adult. Treat her with respect. She sits at the "big table" now.
11. Don't whine and don't tattle. But... if it's serious stuff, tell an adult immediately.
13. NO PLAYING IN THE HAY. It messes up the feed and the animals all get sick and straw is all over my house
14. Love each other, love the animals, love the plants, and leave each place you play looking better than when you got there. Leave the ranch land nicer than when you started playing in the area. No trash, buckets, toys, forts, and orange peels, anywhere. Actually, the Boy Scout Outdoor Rule: "Leave No Trace," is the new saying. I mean it! These are my rules and now you YOU also have these rules...

Boy Scout Rules (Applies To My Girls as well) I wasn't a Den Mother for years NOT for fun..but I did, anyway. Have fun, that is...

A Scout is Trustworthy.
A Scout tells the truth. He is honest, and he keeps his promises. People can depend on him.
A Scout is Loyal.
A Scout is true to his family, friends, Scout leaders, school, and nation.
A Scout is Helpful.
A Scout cares about other people. He willingly volunteers to help others without expecting payment or reward.
A Scout is Friendly.
A Scout is a friend to all. He is a brother to other Scouts. He offers his friendship to people of all races and nations, and respects them even if their beliefs and customs are different from his own.
A Scout is Courteous.
A Scout is polite to everyone regardless of age or position. He knows that using good manners makes it easier for people to get along.
A Scout is Kind.
A Scout knows there is strength in being gentle. He treats others as he wants to be treated. Without good reason, he does not harm or kill any living thing.
A Scout is Obedient.
A Scout follows the rules of his family, school, and troop. He obeys the laws of his community and country. If he thinks these rules and laws are unfair, he tries to have them changed in an orderly manner rather than disobeying them.
A Scout is Cheerful.
A Scout looks for the bright side of life. He cheerfully does tasks that come his way. He tries to make others happy.
A Scout is Thrifty.
A Scout works to pay his own way and to help others. He saves for the future. He protects and conserves natural resources. He carefully uses time and property.
A Scout is Brave.
A Scout can face danger although he is afraid. (Please call or whistle, or 911...I know this place. Do not try and "wrestle" a Bear with your own hands.)
He has the courage to stand for what he thinks is right even if others laugh at him or threaten him.
A Scout is Clean.
A Scout keeps his body and mind fit and clean. He chooses the company of those who live by high standards. He helps keep his home and community clean.
A Scout is Reverent.
A Scout is reverent toward God. He is faithful in his religious duties. He respects the beliefs of others.
Note: Just in case you're wondering, my #1 rule about peeing off the porch includes everywhere and anywhere but the proper place, except in an emergency. Pee definitely takes off the paint. That has been proven. Pee shot directly on my roses turns them yellow and dead. That has been proven, too. Yes, it does write in the snow, but I didn't need to add that information, right? If your a boy, you've tried it. For more information that is probably a bunch of "total bull" a reasonably wrong, good site is: Urine Cures

Grandma is exempt from powder-puffing anywhere and everywhere and that's not a metaphor for something else. I love powder. I rest my case and YOU WILL COMPLY! I am going into hiding in my "Cave of Wonders."


It's Raining! Smells Pretty and I Love It!

1 comment:

Breeda said...

I love you rules! I think I will using the "Don't play in the snakes" one here!