Saturday, March 3, 2012


"Seek Heavenly guidance one day at a time. Life by the yard is hard; by the inch--it's a cinch.
Each of us can be true for just one day and then one more, and then one more after that, until we've lived a lifetime guided by the Spirit, a lifetime close to the Lord, a lifetime of good deeds and righteousness." President Thomas S. Monson President and Prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Not to very long ago my life changed suddenly. I'm trading my time, but I promise I'm not changing and still trying to live by the motto of the Relief Society, "Charity Never Faileth" After 13 1/2 months of caring for my aging mother, it all has changed. My sister moved in with her husband and two dogs. My mother was given the task to tell me I wasn't needed anymore and she wanted my sister to take over care the full-care of her. Which is a large task. I know that she wants that a lot because she hates my sister's dogs so much, but is willing to put-up with them to have my sister be by her side. I see her kick the dogs hard and wonder why she is decided to do this. I've been feeling like those poor puppies.

My sister and my mother go places together. They go out to eat, they shop, all the visit to doctors and drugstores are easy. My big Toyota was dangerous and I never felt safe taking my mother anywhere without my husband. Whenever we did go somewhere we invited my mother, even on long trips. I just needed the extra strength of my husband and his quickness to help her out and in to our FJ Cruiser.

At A Flea Market In Carpenteria
I haven't looked at the past year as a loss in anyway. I enjoyed being able to help her and care for her. I went every single day to the rehab. hospital for almost 3 months to learn how to take care of my mother. I called for in, home treatments...but when she came home, she became very private and content reading, watching TV, and reclining on the couch. I understand that but it made her progress the months almost worthless. I know now she was working hard just to get back home. I felt anguish, hurt, and cried so much at her decision, hoping that she would still let me come over when my sister was working, but a look of harshness in her face told me that she wanted me to leave at that time. I asked her through my sobbing, "My life revolves around you, what am I going to do now? My life seemed already set to be toward helping her.

  It wasn't hard for her to let-go of me, it was easier than  
firing a housekeeper and made it hurt that much deeper.

So while I write this all down, I cry. I'm still resolving to continue in service. I'm going to help my mother-in-law, my grand children that are without much care of their own mother that lives in a different state. My blessings of service can't stop now because I felt not only needed, but more importantly , I felt closer to doing what the Savior has asked of us and that simply I promised myself to find "joy" in service without pay, reward, or recognition. I almost don't want to write about it, but I feel that my loss right now is something I can try and gain a new direction. I promise to do better. My Steve reminded me we can be together and be even more obedient. We would be free to attend the Temple. We could be free to provide service and help at a moments notice. He mentioned a quote from a Conference or talk and it was something like, "when you get a chance look-up 'impossible' in the dictionary.

I know that this change isn't by chance. I've been reading the Book of Mormon faithfully, praying every time I have a chance. I can't see the overall picture. Heavenly Father will provide ample opportunities and those will fill my days, if we're only willing to follow through. I hoping for that and it would make my heart glad again.

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