Thursday, January 24, 2013

So Good!

What else is going to happen? So much good, so many blessings my heart seems that it can only take so much. I've been hesitant to write in my blog not knowing if I wrote about it this ...would my blessings go away? My thinking is, I know Satan has no control over my thoughts. Satan can send arrows of dark thoughts or images in, but I can send them on their way out threw the other-side and out of my head, but if I say my prayers out-loud, can Satan, hear my weaknesses, doubts, and worries and prey upon them?

If I say we've received great blessings, automatically would my blessing become upside down? Honestly, if I was someone else, whomever, that reads in my blog my thoughts would be: Great Blessings, hmmmm. --  my judgement would be that this blogger (me) is getting some really great temporal blessings like money, gifts, her knees are mending and she's up and out the door, her husband feels better (he has the flu) or this family's blessings are making life so much easier.

Nope, we didn't receive any of those kind of blessings, not at all and we're still praying for help in all those needs-even if it's just new hose for church, or jeans, or a blouse without holes. I would be so grateful. Yes, we could use those kind of blessings, but we have been blessed with better.

I think I understand that the Lord has a time to send blessings and teach us to be humble and have patience, only the Lord knows the time to set forth his purposes on earth. Our trials are for learning and we need to continue in prayer, faith and hope.

Last Sunday I was asked to give a talk on Elder David A Bednar's talk that he gave in General Conference, October 2012 and it was on being converted to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I remember hearing it and really liking his talk, but when it came down to understanding it completely, I was in trouble. Elder Bednar's vocabulary and analogy's were difficult for me. Not only did I have to really, really study but for the first time I had to look-up words, ask my family, and seek online for answers to fully understand, so I could deliver this talk the way it deserved to be given.  I wanted it to be effective and teach his message, which was inspiration sent to him by Heavenly Father. It was so necessary, important, and I became unsure I could do it.

I would be thinking about the terms he used like, "Weapons of Rebellion" and I started calling and asking  my family members about this "weapon" thing. I have a machete in the barn for cutting hay strings off the big bales of hay, was that my weapon. I received a simple answer that I should have known if I wasn't so anxious. "Mom, it's your favorite sins." I remember saying, "So what's my favorite sin?" and my answer was "You tell me." Okay, I knew what that meant, if I was truly converted to the Truth, I would give up SMOKING. Well, I don't smoke at all, but it could be someone's favorite sin and their obstacle of being completely converted could definitely hold a person back, even to keeping them away from Church worrying about it.

One other word was "undergirding" and Elder Bednar used the word to explain that our conversion should be built on the "undergirding" of a strong testimony. Steve and I were riding in the car and as we passed under the freeway bridges above us in Santa Barbara, going south to Montecito. I looked up at the bridges and I know why, that I did that. I needed to recognize myself the undergirding of the bridges. The south-bound lane and bridge we just passed-under was the old highway and there were square rocks placed under the bridge and their only reinforcement was the gravity of the highway upon the stacked, well-placed, rocks. There wasn't one bit of concrete or steel rebar holding them together. On the other hand, the new highway bridge north was a lot different. It had large iron pillars or tresses, lots of rebar all throughout the "undergirding" of the bridge. It also had strong arches that connected the two sides of the bridge and I know there was reinforcing all the way through the large arch. I'm thinking even a small earthquake is going to be able to destroy the southbound bridge, right there and the northbound bridge will hold tight. I understand. It's so similar to the Primary song of the "House Built Upon the Rock" and the "House Built Upon the Sand" one will fall.

I did give my talk. It was a little longer than I had hoped, but I received my Young Woman's Award. I think it's been four years since I finished the requirements. I was interviewed by the bishop, but couldn't receive my award because I couldn't get my book out of our sea-land container. The container had developed some holes in the ceiling and the rain soaked all my books, furniture, all of my Steve's pictures and things from his mission, clothes that I loved, and so many of our files in there ... and also my brand new bicycle. Everything's black with mold and mildew. It's toxic and because all the containers that held the books, etc. became filled with water, some of the boxes and containers had fallen down. Manuvering through there was impossible for me and told the bishop what had happened.

He told me sadly that I couldn't receive the award without the paperwork. He needed to see the signatures, my testimony, and the 40 hours of service that I had done. I promised I had done them all, every value and everything that had been asked of me. My daughter and I had worked together on our books while I served in the Young Women's calling. I was thrilled when she received her award, because I really knew what all she had done. She had set goals and then finished them. My daughter did it right.

After my bishop's interview I went home and started reading the Book of Mormon again and again. I read the Book of Mormon 6 times in a row. Beginning to end and I didn't count chapters..I just read. It still helps me so much. And .... as I read, I remember that each time I grab the stair-rail to my front door and climb the 10 steps ... I think of the "iron rod" the "Word of God" and how it's like the stair-rail at home that makes me stronger and able to reach the top to my porch and front door as the "iron rod" or Scriptures help me be strong spiritually.

The Iron Rod is The Scriptures I Want To Stay Strong
These were the days I needed to help my mother with her stroke, also with my mother, sister, and brothers and their confusion over money that my family thought I had taken from my mom. I so wish they had looked at the bank paper a little closer and had seen that the money went from my mother's savings account to her checking account. I just signed the paper-work for her with the bank's approval. The $10,000 was for her "Pat Boone" old-person-walk-in-bathtub. I was yelled at, my brother pounded his fist on my table demanding accountability. I had no idea what anyone of them were talking about. I didn't feel guilt or worry because I knew, it wasn't me. I hadn't stepped in my bank's door since 2001 when I deposited my daughter's county fair, auction check for her steer in her account.  Sheesh! I cried for days that my family thought that I had done such a thing.

I Really Hate To Cry, Headache, Me Too!

I was never mad. I'm not sure if it was from reading the Book of Mormon or figuring they would come around eventually. I was asked to not invite them to our family gatherings, we wouldn't celebrate Christmas together or exchange gifts at that time, or even Birthdays. My gifts to them that I had given previously, because they were deemed as showing-off and were returned to my porch with a terse note. I still think they just don't know how simple an 8 stitch scarf is to make. Me showing off? Not at all. Oh well, I gave it to another friend that asked me for a scarf, and happily was sent-off to friend. My crying didn't stop though, because I was told to not visit them. That I had caused hard feelings. I apologized, my family wouldn't listen and asked they all needed time away from me. They were very angry.

The Young Woman's award is a perfect example of accepting and knowing I did what was I was required to do and then did more. The more part was to strengthen me for a trial ahead, that I had no idea was coming to me. Our bishop was inspired to wait. He could've given me a necklace easily, but went by the rules and I understood and thought maybe someday when the container is cleaned-out, there would be my book and in "moldy form" I could show him, then. I don't know what happened or why now ... but before I gave my talk this last Sunday, he presented me with my award.

Now, Again there's more great blessings. Years of struggle and praying, the greatest of blessings is due to come our way and that will add another member to our family. There just can't be greater joy than to know another baby is on it's way. We see a couple other and different blessings on the horizon and have great hope that these too, will come to our family.

We've had additional blessings with all our grandchildren and as they have grown older and more mature and they are blessing us. My family comes to my rescue as recently as this evening. My FJ became stuck in the deep soggy clay. It's been raining and our pasture was just plowed and how did I think I could maneuver a 4X through that? I did it because our stallion was sick with colic and needed me. The dogs kept him moving in his corral (I couldn't take him out in the sticky mud, he would have fallen down a lot and probably hurting me in the process) I dumped out his mud-filled water that he had knocked into his trough. I cleaned it and filled it again to overflowing. He was grinding his teeth and eyes almost shut. I spent my last few dollars on a huge block of salt that he adores and the FJ was my only hope to get that huge salt block out to his pen and across the arena. There was no way I could carry it. I used a dolly out at the pens to roll the big salt block inside the fence and under his shelter.

I got stuck just at the far edge out by the gate. There must be a low spot of deep clay soil and I sank. I could feel the ridge but the tires were covered with thick mud and no tread was showing at all. Without the tread my tires were as slick as the mud. I just spun the tires and tried to move reverse and forward repeatedly. My daughter saw I was in trouble. I think my grandson saw me first, but she pulled the hugest chain out. Huge, in that it was too heavy to lift in her car. She tied it with big hooks to my FJ and then to her trailer hitch on her Mormon Van. I put it my FJ neutral and it didn't move nor did she! So I tried to use the 4X and she pulled me right-out, no problem, except she had to drag that huge chain back to her garage. I'm thankful. I did look back and our "Sonny Horse" had his head in the clean water and he walked over to start eating the alfalfa in his feeder. At dusk, as I was walking up the stairs to my door I yelled-out to my daughter and grandson how Sonny was doing and they both said fine, he still eating.

I'm so thankful that I have a family that cares for me and watches out for me. They all call, they message me, and send me so many pictures and I'm so grateful and thankful for all that they do for me. I know my husband spoils me and he has no idea how my love and appreciation grows for him.

I guess this is my thankful post to my blog for me to remember that blessings come when the time is right and even great blessings come to us while we're waiting for all those earnest prayers to be answered. I need to remember patience, time, overcoming trials is a learning process, and I need to remember that I have great blessings all around me that I need to recognize. This is my gratitude post and I should have been writing many of these posts all along.


Anonymous said...

Did you make that little tag that says Susan Laz? Can you make me one? PLEASE

Susan said...

Yep I can!

Our Aitken Love said...

great post mommy