I almost didn't put my post online below. Actually, it's the posting that I wrote just before the Happy Thanksgiving post. I had worked on that post for weeks collecting family sayings. I never meant to hurt anyone and especially my best friend since Kindergarten. I just quoted my dad trying to be "a dad" and using this off-the-wall expressions to stop our bouncing on horseback and get a tighter bras. Jeanie and I have laughed about that our whole lives. Then, out-of-the-blue, Jeanie calls on my husband cell phone and we were out in the 'almost desert' shopping. Jeanie said just right-out that she had breast cancer for sure. I was the one that was suppose to get it. She sings, is beautiful, and I'm her fan--you know, like the "Wind Beneath Your Wings" movie. I first couldn't comprehend what she was telling me. I was in shock and I know that my emotion of that, was really evident on the phone. My husband and I drove to her house and as ugly as I look right now, fighting facial cancer, to say just something encouraging to her---I couldn't say anything. Steve and I stayed almost an hour. She was getting so many calls. I came back in the evening to talk. She has been such an example to me. She's been eating healthy, a vegetarian for years, walking miles everyday, and no history of breast cancer in her family. I'm just the opposite. This is not fair for her. Why?
I've had a couple of biopsies, one tumor removed, a couple positive re-screenings. How can this happen to her? I just couldn't handle it. When I knew I had breast cancer (not, it was benign) I had this elaborate funeral planned for my breasts. A cement cross with pink flowers and ribbons all over it. I would hope they gave me the breasts the doctor removed, so I could plant them and then plant a pomegranate tree there. There's a metaphor in the Bible about breasts and pomegranates. Then, Floppy and Bob would be laid to REST IN PIECES. I would write RIP on the cross. Dolly Parton has tattoos on her scars, don't ask me where, 'cuz I don't know.... but tattoos, I would do it, just to GLAM it up. I would have a large Breast cake made and we would have a party with a couple fireworks to say goodbye.
Jeanie made me promise to get a mammogram. I've been putting it off because I'm scared of another failed test. Waiting is such agony. I called Friday, thinking it would be a few months, you know how booked these places are. No, I got caught. Saturday Mammogram at 9:15 a. Like Saturday school detention. I called Lori, my sister, and asked her what I needed to ask the technician and she told me when I have my mammogram, be sure and have the technician check the lymph nodes under my arms, we are built a little differently. I had forgotten that information or mental block there because it hurts a little bit. Lori reminded me she'd been after me since my birthday in October and also the Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
I can't go to the appointment that I made and I don't even want to go at all. I want to ride in the parade with my family, it's a tradition and we take-up almost two engines with our large family and Dustin and Steve drive. But, I made a promise and that's more important. I had forgotten, but did remember (thank you) from my sister to catch those under arm lymph nodes and I for sure ripped or tore-up my rear udder attachment. (translation is skin tearing) and it did. I was in a real hurry to get back to town even though I did do the exact speed limit. I went on Santa Paula Street and I checked down all the streets and found the fire trucks, still waiting, parked my car in a glorious parking spot and jumped on the step behind Steve. I was in the Santa Paula Christmas Parade, with a black and red ball cap on, huge sunglasses on, waving like Miss Guatemala; and something started hurting like blisters all around my chest. Yes, I knew what happened. How completely dumb, to let that ever, ever bother me. That thought was sooo trivial....I felt fine. I'm thankful for 100% soft cotton jersey clothes that I wear. Like usual, the pain was very short and this morning completely gone, but my head was thinking about my friend. It's a rough rode a head for Jeanie.
I know that we are in an earthly experience that there are those things that Heavenly Father allows to happen to us for some reason. Trials strengthen our faith and I know that we aren't given so much that we cannot pass through the trials. I choose my earthly life and all that goes with it in heaven. I can pray for her, I can do that and she asked to be put on the prayer rolls of the Temple and I'm so thankful to be able to do that for her.
I believe a lot of men want to retire and be mammogram techs. Glad it was a girl giving me the screening! I'm thankful for the sweet encouragement that she gave me. I'm also glad that the tech didn't use what I can't even bear to think about , but do....and it's a pickle picker. Looks like a medical instrument to pull the breast into place. Whew! They don't use these, except in bad dreams. When I get that note from your doctor saying, "All Clear!" I will forget the very, very slight discomfort. And by chance it comes back different than that and I need surgery--I say GLAM I'm GLAMIN' my new ones up and if I choose not to have reconstruction, I'm going to GLAM that space up-- have a party! Men make them out to be WAY more than they really are. I'm going horse back riding bra-less! To My Dear Friend Jeanie: YOU GO GIRL!!! Sooooo......moral of the story.......don't put off those monograms!
I love you Mom. You are such a great friend to Jeanie. And she is awesome...I have always thought of her as Aunt Jeanie. I love you and I will call you later today....it is snowing outside...welcome to December.
ReplyDeleteYou and Jeanie are friends from heaven. I am so glad that you have each other. you are a blessing to her and her to you. We are waiting on pins and needles with for the "all clear". I enjoyed sitting next to you at church yesterday. I love you.
ReplyDeleteoh susan....God is sooooo Good to give me a wonderful FRIEND IN YOU !!!! how blessed i really am. and,..i want to thank you also for the beautiful people/friends that you and steve 'built' for me to have in my life and in my families lives. ALL OF YOUR CHILDREN are JUST as wonderful. i love you..and i love that you wrote an uplifting 'sassy' story....lol you are always such a JOY!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletei love you susan. and thanks for reminding women and reminding some 'men' readers to remind thier wives and daughters to maintain good breast health.
God Bless You and Yours Susan... ( :