Thursday, April 26, 2018

Don't Look At the Past Except To Remember The Good

I started this post so long ago when I had decided I was going to keep-up on my journal of  what's going on around here. The truth is there's not enough desks for me to use my big computer to write a post. First there was a desk by the front window and it's way too hot by that big, dang window to even think to sit there, even when it's chilly impossible. One day our antique chair just fell apart. I'm so glad someone wasn't sitting in it. Not like an arm or the leg; it disassembled itself completely including ten minutes later a wheel rolled-out about two feet from the pile. Creepy. We were all doing projects and goofing around so the noise and boys jumping, bounced our original ship-lap floor (I know what that is, now) and shaky floor wiggled the desk chair apart. Right? I still think it was a trick. Steve and I sat in it and were crippled by it. No wonder it was a give-away, but I couldn't bring myself to say no, 'cuz I was taught, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth!" Can't say it was really a gift. Demonic chair!

My husband's desk is in the kitchen and it's his only. He's got so many projects going on, on it. I don't dare touch it and that includes using the copier most of the time. I do love his sturdy chair! There's Church work, Board-up work, CERT teaching, Citizen's Corps, the city radio, but also Ham Radio. There's no room for me.

I received another beautiful desk and Oh, my Slivers, this information is ALL so boring! 

We got another huge desk. One has my big computer, ultimate scanner, and all my programs, but my daughter needs it all! She is in the tailoring business and has so much work; she has slipped-in and stole my two big desks. She didn't move them, but she needs them. We are working on a "She Shed" for her and all the sewing machines and tailoring paraphernalia can go in there. Hopefully, it'll be done soon and it's so cute. I really need to take more pictures. I know Kiely is going to hate our stairs to come up inside our house and even her stairs on the "She Shed" porch. This is because she does a piece and then she shows me. I'm trying to stay very critical, but what she does is always perfect. This daughter has done so much weird sewing in her life and lots of quilts that showing me her efforts is plain redundant. I wish I had her talent but not her worry and she can fix my clothes! (heehee)  My size radically changes with every medical procedure.

Okay, this is hard to write. I'm getting a pacemaker. I've had four ablations.There was the medical one and the  two accidental ones and one was aborted (so really five?) and I came conscious during the time I was being intubated in my trachea to breathe better. Maybe I should say un-intubated because they were pulling the tube out. I don't breathe regularly just like my heart doesn't beat regularly. I had another clot and the anesthesiologist chick-doctor saved my life. (last blog post) Freaked-me-out a lot, but the job had no mistakes and I know it sounds like it, but Dr. Lee at VCMC is wonderful. She also helps me wake-up without shaking or hyperventilating and that's a big deal to me.

I went over my number of cardio-versions. Now I think I've had seven in 15 months? My brain is wrecked. I am certain that my holding the electric fence when I was young caused me to be a special needs student. I have the original sign warning me to not touch the fence in my kitchen. You grab the pole and then the wire and we have grounding. Why did I do that? One of my doctors told me that I was self-medicating my heart-rate. I've had this my whole life and didn't know a crazy beating heart was unusual. No wonder I couldn't breathe right playing sports. I'd go catch the horse and grab the fence and I could relax. Honest, not all the time, we rotated pastures a lot and the horses didn't stay there more than a month and it was a move to another pasture without the electricity, we weren't really "into" electric fences. My dad thought they'd catch fire. There were eight pastures and also the hillside we leased during the rainy January, monsoon season. The sign for now is to remind me to take my medication on time and my pill holder is so full I have to use a rubber-band to hold my medications in each little box. Confession: I count my pills every single time I take my pills.

Getting ready to go get "the paddles" is not easy for me. It involves a lot of me talking myself into doing. The first one I pretty much flat-lined with the medication cardio-version. This particular experience is more than I can talk about on a blog, but I'll never forget it.

I have been in Atrial Fib. again for more than 3 weeks and I'm on a better blood thinner. The doctor came into my appointment two weeks ago and was pacing back and forth. He was late and I was impatient (duhr) and I said, "My daughter told me to say two words to you." And he said, "Can you make it one because I want to ask you something?' I said, I think it's two words, "Pacemaker!" He looked at me very puzzled and asked me who she worked for or what medical company. I think I rolled my eyes. I also think he thought I got a second opinion. He named off a few companies and I said my daughter worked for a dermatologist and she didn't like her, and I named a pair of family doctors that shared an office she worked at. I told him she worked for them over more than 20 years ago. My daughter got her job because she gave great shots and could draw blood. Anyway, all her experience with livestock gave her a medical assistant degree. It’s true, but NOT a Cert,  but she did it. My daughter gave me shots and and also my mom. I didn't tell my doctor about her experience, but I did say she's a farmer on a ranch clear-out on the plains in Colorado. The Doctor pulled his neck in tight and frowned. I thought he was going to yell at me. He said he did want to give me a pacemaker and this other appliance at the same time, but the insurance wants him to do them separately. No, not again.....  I don’t want to go “under” again. The pacemaker was what he was fretting about telling me.

One week from today, I get a gift and I suspect I'll see it before it's inside me and I won't look at it like thinking, "Don't look a gift horse 'pacemaker' in the mouth!" Besides, it's brand new and hasn't lost any teeth yet. I found out MY wiz-kid daughter-in-law helped design it or designed it and it's awesome. Is this weird or what?! MY SON'S WIFE! So now "All my Children" said-- I should go for it. I said yes to the pacemaker before I knew about my daughter-in-law hand in development and that was so great to hear. I feel so blessed to hear about what it does.
Soap Opera "My Real Life"

The quotes around the 'all my children' is that I'm so old I watched that soap opera series from the first to the last one on TV. Not others, just that one. I'm thinking of watching a Telenovela Mexicanas to learn Spanish. One is about a lady that's Una Duena? 

I can't find it, so I'll have to go to the hairdressers and have them show me the channel and I hope it'll last awhile because it'll be a problem if it's playing when my grandchildren are here and they will want to watch TV, probably. They like horses, maybe it'll be okay to watch a Spanish Speaking soap opera. Their daddy speaks fluent Spanish. 

So yeah, I have A.D.D. too. If anyone that has ever read my blog they know I get distracted very easily. Super easy! We live a Mormon Soap Opera Life.

Friday, March 2, 2018

No School but Still Learning- My Health News

A Little Creepy, to Me

I’ve been procrastinating this post for so long. There's a peculiar speech bubble stuck in my head; I feel I’ve failed my school courses. They weren’t hard and I had just figured-out the modules and new way to learn. It was mostly doing an assignment and checking-off each assignment. 

I stopped school suddenly. It was one of those atrial fibrillation episodes. I could do both. I told myself so many times and I even thought my prayers would be answered. They were and it wasn't meant to be this semester. Twice I went to the hospital and both times they worked all night and all right to lower my heart rate without the cardioversion. One was an accident when I was startled out of sleep and the other was 100 and jumpy, and the hospital could let me go home.

I was finding that I was becoming tolerant to the heart meds and I was taking the highest recommended amount. Finally, after a few days, my heart was normal. I knew school would have to wait. I need those ablations. It’s like using a disbudding iron and burning my electrical escapee points.

Wise Words and Photo from my daughter, Larin Knapp

Now, I've had six cardioversions in one year and four ablasions, actually one was a dud because the team had to stop because there was a blood clot. Really, they saved my life by finding it. I did have another rough and extensive ablation, but somehow I managed to put myself back into "crazy heart" again.


I've got to become a normal blogger without the gaps. It's been six whole months and I thought I'd get on with trying to just finish this one blog post and try and go back to writing regularly. What I didn't know was that my heart just needs medication and move on. I'm not upset with my heart that I was given and grateful it was only atrial fib and tachycardia. My valves in my heart could be causing more trouble, my murmur could be a lot more severe, and more.

 My knees could be better and it really makes me upset that my thoughts 20 years ago were to not climb the ladder and I did anyway. I fell on my knees and then was dragged into a fence, that was used for military runway stability. The fence didn't give, in-other-words. The rope was nylon and I didn't have gloves on and I now have no calluses. I made mistakes all the way around and I knew beforehand. That accident changed my life. My daughter rear-view mirror photo fits my life so much. I could've done so much more, I could've hiked and leisurely walked in the park. Lesson learned and  I do have to be better. I think this is where my New Year's resolution begins in March.

Yes, I'm disabled with my knees and heart, but no way am I changing my ADL. An acronym for Activities for Daily Living. WHAT? It's on my chart at my Primary Care Doctor. Sheesh, I brush my own teeth, shower, lots of make-up, etc. My ADL even when I don't leave the house!

I'm going to the doctor again on Tuesday, and by that time I will have been in atrial fibrillation and tachycardia for 24 days. I don't know what the doctor has planned. I know the routine. I have the best doctor and anesthesiologist and I awake like I've taken a nap. No shaking. I'll have headphones for privacy or to give privacy to others. Then, it's off to USC to have my Thyroid removed with a cardiologist. I'll be so happy that for awhile my hospital visits will be in my past, please. 

No more griping about health stuff because I have so much else to think about. When I read back on this I'll know why it took me so long. I think facing any surgery causes anxiety and I was putting off my blog post because I was afraid that anxiety and writing about my heart and knees would send an arrow in my brain that I didn't want to face-up to it. I did and really, I do feel better and yep, I could have a stroke or heart attack without this procedure and going to the doctor. But, maybe later because I have lots more to do. I'm not dying today and there you go. Health News is over.

Proverb Art by Mary Engelbreit