Thursday, September 14, 2017

PathwayConnect I Started School At 67

Ecccckkk! I'm starting school, again!

I've wanted to start this school since I heard about the pilot program and I was 60. I thought I could handle it all back then. I knew it was in Glendale. Oh the trip! It's 100 miles down and back. Then, it was in Valencia and I was sure I was going then. Valencia is so much closer and about 45 minutes away without any traffic on one of the most dangerous highways in Ventura and Los Angeles Counties. My husband; if you have read this blog at all you know he was a firefighter and the memories of this road haunt him. He wasn't ready for me to commute. Finally, it's now at our own Stake building and Institute. My one daughter jumped at it because she already had her Associates Degree from Ventura College and this program will transfer all units if it's from a certified school, like a national, state, or community college.

So I signed-up and since that time, it didn't really stress over the day to start school. Now, it's tonight! I'm a little nervous, but more than that, I'm excited! After I received my call today to confirm the time, I started shaking. I'm not sure of my emotions with this. I know I need to pray for help to remember what's needed for me to do this well.

No, I'm not going to back-away or "shrink" like Elder Maxwell described fear. That's the last word I said before I had my heart surgery. It makes me brave and just do what needs to be done. The surgery time was 3 hours and the best nap I've ever had. I had so much energy! Good booster and positive word. 

My husband called me to remind me about my medication that I have to take at noon. I think he was sure I would forget because I'm so preoccupied with tonight. I asked him that if I happen to fail, could I start over? He's answer was that I could and as many times as I would like to take Pathway. It's learning! But, he told me I wasn't going to fail and it was going to be wonderful. I hope it is. I will update my blog to report on how all of this went.

I'm not quitting so the opposite is trying, that would be me.
My start on school will be like when I'm trying to accomplish my homework or studies. I'm going to pray. Is there any way else to have help to give me strength, determination, and of course, a good attitude?

This is the logo I see when I sign-in below. I was so surprised about the modules and the way school is taught. My daughter learned online with Utah State College and she said her learning was very, very similar. I was so surprised she didn't tell me about it. It is hard to find a completely quiet place in our house. I'm distracted by the animals outside, the clock ticking, or even quiet music. These kind of distractions have always been with me and florescent lighting is the worse. My phone is going-off with notifications, non-stop, so I do know I need to temporarily block the little noise. I'm not looking now at my phone. It isn't time. I'm going to change and mentally block the noises I don't have control over and not let them bother me. I was born bothered, so I'm not sure if that's possible. I'm going to pray for that special blessing. I can do that when I'm having my blood pressure tested, I can do this.
The Logo for PathwayConnect BYUI

I will not quit or shrink and use my Faith

 My children and my husband pushed me physically up to the front of the room to sign-up for school.   They have been my cheerleaders and I appreciate them. It's so odd to be on the other side when I used to be their cheerleader and help them go to new classes. Big difference with me this is college and not Kindergarten or high school.

I didn't know what was coming! I am so relaxed and happy for my oldest daughter as we celebrated her graduation from college and received her Master's Degree. I cried a lot, but she made the graduation fun by using her laptop to show her and hear the speakers so well. The party that night was incredible. I remember Tatum thinking a gopher was like a pet squirrel. She went to pet it and surprise! She danced all around worried the gopher would suddenly run-up her pant-leg. We roasted Starbursts and marshmallows and had a lot of happy talk. Our driveway parties are the best because we are a ways of the main road. There's not too many that can even see us. My middle daughter and family can see us because they live right next door.

 This was the biggest surprise ever and it is a true statement, below. I need a solid plan for when I study and when I play. I need to get-up and walk around during study time. I have a Pomodoro and I'm going to use it! I need rest between real concentration. That was the only way I could learn any piano. A type of Pomodoro. One musical selection session and go get a Coke. Nah! My favorite was to go sit on the side of my dad's Model T Ford Flatbed. It was big long step on the long-running step-side with my dog, Scoots and tell him all about what I was doing and I'd be back. So Pomodoro is one goal, exercise is another, reading my scriptures and taking notes, take time to make an organized place to work,  be early to my my class meetings, and have my laptop, cord and extra supplies including water with electrolytes with these I can enter my class each week ready and organized. Is that too much?

I know there will be other goals for this class. I've never gone to one before and I'm not sure of what I need to add. Oh! Stay off Facebook and Instagram. That's a given. I still love my friends there, but for a time, I need to FOCUS.

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

I Need To Start This Blog Again!

Yep! I know how to start-over. I live my life like that. It's maybe like goal setting. I rethink what I need to do ponder it a bit, day dream (constructively) or really dream about it and think,"I've got to do this, time is flying by!" 

These 'starts' or arrows that pass through my brain include finding time to do a sewing project or studying, exercise, and more prayer. So today, I looked at the gopher holes in the dirt and thought about poisoning golphers for a new replant of our lawns. I go to sleep planning stuff like this and in the morning think, "Eh, too early. I'll do this all in a week or two. This is still a drought?  I don't know, but our water bill doubled.

The last couple of days my mind's been on starting my blog again. Nope, no dogs for sale...  but can give great references. My intention is to just start. I've kept my journal going still this whole time even through the passing of my mother. 

My over-thinking (bad habit) had been about our trip to the East Coast and I believe that normal people can't wait and they're filled with excitement. Then there's me. Every time I've traveled in the past say, seven years. I've gotten sick and either in the hospital or I come home and the next day I'm in the hospital. My goal is to stay healthy.

It's a dehydration problem. I lose electrolytes quickly I do take them and for some reason I'm absorbing only water. It really boils down to my thyroid acting-up. I think I'm learning how to beat this. If I end up in ER and then get a room, it seems like forever. 

My own hospital in town had a detox gang guy getting loose and walking and hiding through all the rooms at night and then all day cussing and yelling at everyone. A ninety-nine great grandfather that unfortunately had no hearing at all; gathered his family to say goodbye and it took days. Yes, he died two days after I left. He yelled trying to say goodbye. My neighbor in the room ahead of me died. That awful alarm noice I've only heard in movies or TV with the announcement: "Code Blue." I never knew who died. I suppose the most unusual for me was the naked lady that was too hot and walked the halls. It was warm in there, for sure. The hospital was an incredibly sad place.

Three Ring Circus

Though all of this, my meds were being changed, as usual. My heart rate was being stabilized, but my allergies started-up with me and I was covered in hives. The nutritionist didn't know I was allergic to seasonings, coloring, even pepper. I should have just told her "What part of absolutely everything that I'm allergic to is brought to me that you don't understand?" I felt bad that I even thought that, because she said there was a communication problem. I'm glad I held in my anger and held my hurtful words. I think most people in the hospital feel yucky and grouchy. Hives are a new level of discomfort, but I've learned how to manage. What I didn't like was that I couldn't have meds for hives. I just took the "No, you can't" I kept thinking that I'll be out soon. So, I looked for the deer outside my beautiful window, the puffy clouds, our green mountain ranges and hoped for sleep. Maybe this was a bad week, or I was dreaming it was an episode of a crazy TV series. All of my floor area was sad. Was I part of the circus? I wondered if I talked in my sleep, I did! The blood pressure guy started laughing when I asked him if I spoke in my sleep? I do that a lot at home when I'm really tired.

My other hospital visits haven't been so memorable because I'm ignoring them all. Trying to forget all, but not forgetting the day when Gunnar my grandson was born. Six months ago exactly. Oh yes, I did it again! I had to be in hospitalized for dehydration and Afib. My daughter had Gunnar and I was in the ER. Not really bad. I had a wonderful doctor and I was allowed to hold my grandson for 20 minutes. That's great, right?

6 Months Today

I hate ruining our regular trips. I do! I'm packing tomorrow and maybe I can get advice on staying hydrated in the most humid area of the country. I'm not used to that. I have a direct line to help me. This has been a long series of learning experiences. Our bodies are such miracles! How could anyone deny the existence of God?

I'm very, very grateful to caregivers and what they must go through day after day. I'm thankful for getting so much healthier and for my life and here with my family. 

My most important calling along with Visiting Teaching (Oh, I love the sisters that I have been blessed to serve)  is my calling to gather the history of Relief Society on the Central Coast and our own ward in particular. It includes the history of the church here. I didn't write it, but faithful members like my mother-in-law and her closest friend, the pioneers of the area. This is my calling officially along with the ward website and calendar. I need more time! And I'm very blessed to be to be able beat these obstacles and I can accomplish a start of this important record along with my own genealogy.

So! This is the more proactive me. Stay-outta' jail (hospital) "free card". Instead of packing lots of clothes. I'm going to concentrate on electrolytes. My contents of my bags are going to be weird if they're x-rayed. At least it's not my hamster. I did that in 1971 and the airline guy at the podium asked to see in my purse and I showed him. "Hermie" with shavings everywhere in the bottom of a zipped, straw purse. He said that he didn't want to see "that" again so get on the flight. And I did.

Me, Before I Thought Exactly
 What I Was Taking This Time ⬇️

Monday, February 13, 2017

Trying To Figure Who I Am

The Metaphor 

I believe completely that there are reasons for everything.  I am not disappointed or sad right now just "under-the weather" as in sick with a toothache and this time gives me a chance to write.

I feel I have a huge question hanging over my head. What do I feel are important things in my life right now. What? I don't know. I am blessed and I have comfort and faith. Life is certainly a journey and I know I'm on the right trail. Maybe. I follow my Steve and want to do that, he keeps me in-line.

I need to remember each journey is a  trail and has trials no matter how easy or hard it looks from the beginning path. It's the one that is chosen that brings a great reward or regret.

Switch-backs are on the trail for a reason. The switch-backs give us a chance to recover from a hard climb and prepare for the next steep turn or a chance to rethink our direction. The added advantage is our view of where we have been and hopefully a peek at where we are headed. (Often our view is beautiful)

I've walked a lot of trails and yes this one's a metaphor and but has the realistic view of a true hike. Concepts that match.

Trails are harder sometimes to come down from above. Switchbacks really can give us a break. Muscles can often ache more from the descent. This isn't a metaphor, but it could..because I would have to climb and work hard to get to the mountain top, again. Why do I go back to the flatland? Or in other words...the easy place where I'm not challenged or thinking about goals that I have for myself?

It takes strength to climb a mountain and as we get older the harder it is to make the climb. There's a lot of places I haven't seen or will ever see because of changes in my life. But the goals I can attain have led me on another path. There are fewer switchbacks and the problem with that is...I'm not sure where I've begun. The path where I came from is obscure. I don't stop to think about my path at the switchbacks resting points. I'm dependent on the need of a hiking stick to help me. The trail is still beautiful and hopefully I'm still moving forward in the right way.  I only have brief glimpse of what's ahead. I have a map and compass so those tools help me know where I can end my hike. I never want to be lost. I love hiking. 

Real life:

Do I have a story of my life? I keep my journal and it's filled with accomplishments of my husband and children. I'm not putting myself down. I've never have felt like I had a story of myself when I was younger that I wanted to remember. Hard to explain, really. What have I done?

My grandfather was in rodeo, a rodeo clown, a shop owner that had a great following, he was a big game hunter and an artist. He was excellent at tailoring, making saddles, and tooling leather, and wood carving. He wrote plays for The Boy Scouts and helped build a scout camp called "Three Falls." He was a fireman that never received any compensation. He fought really terrible fires including one that burned his shop. My grandfather rebuilt it better than it was before it burned. Grandpa Joe was in silent and talkie movies with all the great actors. He was a California State judge in horsemanship. He was a parade and rodeo announcer and a deputy sheriff. Grandpa and dad raised beautiful Quarter Horses we had a Doc Bar daughter and her sire was traced backed to Traveler lines. Our mare's name was Barton's Cocoa, she couldn't throw an ugly foal. Grandpa also imported and raised cattle dogs from Australia and they had the grandest barn. I often wonder why the horses were always in the pastures and and didn't get the new barn. The mares had their foals in a converted, old redwood, car garage.

My grandfather is just one example of someone that made their life full. He wasn't perfect and had lots of flaws. My mom constantly pointed-out how much she didn't like her father-in-law. But everyone remembers him and tells me what a great man he was here in this, my hometown. He was voted to be a Grand Marshall in our Festival Parade. I rode next to him and not in a car but we were on horses.

 The flaws. (Grandpa Joe must be looking at this from heaven & clamping his jaw) Grandpa's character came with the time he lived, the home he lived-in, as a young man, and how he was raised. There's such a story there. I have his authentic Teddy Bear from the turn-of-the-century. It has only one ear and he must of carried it around in his mouth. The bear is almost with-out any fuzz at all. It's rough and the Teddy has a special chair in my long room-our living room. I wish I knew less. I wish I knew less of everyone. My memory is too fine and keeps it all, each file not separated by only the good or bad.

I want to lift-out the files on everything that is negative in anyway and shred them, never letting them return. There's nothing I can do right now to forget, except right it down maybr. I can forgive wholeheartedly, but gorgetting is not realistic because I remember. I don't hold it against anyone but myself for remembering. If anyone thinks I hold a grudge, try me. I promise I don't and have tried to make it easy for all to be mended. Could I love more? Yes! I can absolutely. 

My Lineage: 

Everyone in my lineage have been like my grandfather, every single one have wonderful stories. My children and grandchildren are already making their lives great! I'm so proud of them and unconditionally love and adore each of them.

And then there's my "Noah" my husband, Steve. He has never drank, smoked, or said any foul, cuss word, or taken the Lord's name in vain, ever. He's never seen a bad movie... and we have walked out of many. Cartoon movies forever. Ugh! He's always is trying to help others. (Me a lot) Steve is often referred by our church members as their favorite Bishop. I still hear that often and even at our last Stake Conference two weeks ago.

Steve's going on TV this next month, again! He endures pain without complaint even after falling while fighting a fire. He's still working (he can't do anything but talk and direct the families of disasters in the right direction, he can phyisically work, even mending our pens on our place) My Steve has a great path and he's forging on, always helping someone every single day. He doesn't let his injuries slow him down... he's always working for the good of others. My Steve has saved many lives. He has a huge legacy and amazes me. Steve has a story, a passion, and works hard at keeping himself going on his hike and journey. I'm married to him and hooked to his side. However, I do hold him back. I'm supremely slow.

What can I do at age 62 to have a story? If someone were to ask me what I could do or what have I accomplished, I couldn't answer. Yes, I have a great memory and could tell you exactly the clothes I've worn, the way my hair looked, and even if I was wearing a certain fragrance. I just remember, it doesn't mean I looked good and I DO remember so very long ago trying to take pictures and remember events before there was video. I eanted to remember good and bad. That's actually weird or funny because I could've done something great and remembered it. My memory clicks in of what I've done that day and I wish I could remember ALL that I've done that was worthwhile? Guess it's ok, I remember today.

If my kids are great, it was because of my wonderful and grand husband whose full of common sense. I think I covet his "common sense" more all the time.

My mind has a few empty files. I remember my flaws, sins, weaknesses, and regrets. I've relived those often at home from the generosity of my family filling-in all the extra things they saw in me. And, there has never been forgiveness in their hearts, ever... except my dad. How did he know I needed that?

 I can spell every homonym and use it three different ways in the same essay and all incorrectly. So, I have a file on that, and I can't unlock the file or fix it. It's the same with colons, semi-colons, yeah, all that. Thank you everyone that enjoys leaving a comment on my mistakes and commenting me on super-long paragraphs. Yes, I had grammar lessons. I was meant to speak Spanish. No offense taken on my grammar or subject matter.  I already know I do that, I'm old.

Changing my life: (no heading)

 The  "ifs?"  My "if" life would be to go back to school. I would love "Pathway" at BYU Idaho... I hope someday the program can come closer to home. Be something, know something, and help others. It's a far-away dream.

The subject would be genealogy. I do know history, even strategic battles of the Revolutionary War, Civil War, Korean War, and Viet Nam War. I've turned-off the TV since my before my youngest was born. (almost 30 years) Thst's a long time ago... I know what's happening. No need to see first hand or video. The reason I mention the wars is because in each of the wars I've mentioned (1812, Mexican Wars, too) I have a family member directly involved in the battles.

I'm praying for a new (different) copy machine to record all that I have. The good works thsy I vould do are not known by most of people that are not L.D.S. or Mormon. I hope I can make-up for lost time.

New Post. The News From Here

We aren't having puppies. If I haven't responded to your emails lately, I'm so sorry. I'm hearing our male dog, Duelly... crying again and it's been constant for a couple weeks. Darby was his best friend and my husband hasn't been able to fill the void left by Darby's death.

It has been exceptionally colder this year and Darby seemed slower except, when she was in with the goats and sheep. Darby loved herding! I looked forward to having her here with me and milking this Spring.

Darby seemed to tuck her legs in like she was cold a couple months ago. Once in awhile she wanted to stay inside until the afternoon and she'd hobble-up on the porch to see the grandchildren. My daughter noticed she didn't want to walk and was shivering. It was a normal day and not less than 70•. I panicked!

 My Steve, my daughter, and I went up to the vet's I held her in my arms. All the way, I held her tightly knowing it was the last time. I couldn't go in. The dog, my daughter, and my husband returned. It was only arthritis and she'd be herself with her medication morning and night.

Darby was herself and played, fetched everything, growled at Duelly to be gentle each time he was to close her. A few weeks went by with her medication and then, she couldn't uncurl herself, and we all knew she hurt. Darby couldn't eat or drink and I this time I knew this was it. Steve and Kiely took her back to the vet and Steve took Darby into see her doctor. Steve said she wasn't afraid, was relaxed and my husband said she went away slowly while he held her.

My daughter in Colorado is breeding stumpy Red and Blue Queenslands. She sent a note to me saying she would give me the first of her stumpy puppies. I'm not ready. PeeWee is getting a lot of attention.

Our Duelly, is even sadder than I am. Of course, we all know dogs die before we do and we mourn their passing. There's a huge reason that this isn't nearly like any other dog that has died in our care. Someday I may blog about it. Nothing really odd, just gratefulness for her and more. Miss you so much and can't believe you're gone, Darby Dog.

Happy Day