Friday, May 6, 2011

You're a Liar & You Stole Something ! I'm Not and I Didn't !

"Honesty is the best policy" I believe that with all my heart and with always as far as my understanding of, and remembrance of the situation, WILL completely tell the truth.
My first talk in Church was on honesty and it was one of those non-existent now, 2 1/2 minute talks we had in Sunday School. I was so nervous. The bishop gave me the topic and I had never real practice speaking in front of others. I can only think of one time when I ran for the office in Girl's League in High School. I didn't do well and I didn't win. The whole running for office was forced and I know my nervousness showed. I think that experience made me even more afraid.

I said yes, to my bishop about the 2 1/2 minute talk because first, he was my father's best friend and room-mate in college and also I was a member of the Church. It was scary to think I would have to learn to speak in Church, but my testimony was strong and I knew I needed to learn to overcome my fear. I used a references from my sister's denomination, the Southern Baptist Church. I only had The Book of Mormon to find information on a talk. I did get some help from the missionaries and learned to write a talk without saying "you" and always saying "we" because we're all learning and have temptations. I didn't even look at my talk and that surprised me, but spoke from my heart. I did learn that this was a very important virtue that I should always strive to be always a person that was honest and had integrity.

My disclaimer to all of this is, my fun stories that I used to make-up for my children. I couldn't read books and I hate to admit this all in my blog. I had a great deal of trouble reading. I stuttered, I hesitated, skipped paragraphs, and so on. It was just easier to make-up stories and act them out to entertain my kids or softly tell a story to help my children go to sleep. I always ended with a complete explanation that my story... was a story and not true.

I did tell one time my soon-to-be husband, that I didn't have the gene to smell a skunk and just forgot to tell him until we had been married more than five years. I'll never hear the end of that. The other story was about the leeches on Facebook. My children "ratted-me-out" and I did come clean with the story in the end. I was just having fun, honest!

There have been so many times in my life that I have completely told the truth and it meant nothing, I was a liar. My grandmother thought I bought into her dry-cleaning shop, all my friends clothes to be dry-cleaned and pressed for free. I bought the clothes at the thrift store. I only made a dollar and hour and I wanted some nice wool skirts. Ugh...She died thinking I lied. No one, especially from "our family" would buy from a thrift store. That accusation stood and it still hurts because I wasn't able to convince her... the clothes were really mine.
 I'm married to an honest , extremely honest husband. I'm so blessed and is so proud of him (the good kind of proud) He always reminded all of us that we carried the Lazenby name and our name stands for integrity, like my husband's father. We always tried to teach our children and raise them to give honor to the "Lazenby name" and be honest in all things.
Now, I'm faced with a family member thinking I'm lying. Not from my husband or children but another ... thinking I'm lying and maybe accidentally took something, but now I'm lying to cover that I inadvertently grabbed, when I was gathering my things. I'm thinking that the person believes I'm trying to cover myself. This has upset me so much that my stomach hurts and I need extra heart medication. Why do I feel so bad? I should feel content that I just told the truth and "get-over-it?" Do I feel this way because I will never be able to prove that I'm innocent? The item is gone and we have no idea where it is. I've sure looked. Now, would that help...probably not.
I have returned the tiniest of things that I have taken by mistake. I replaced the plug I took, it was attached to my computer when I unplugged it and a large highlighter that was yellow and I just picked it up thinking, "Yellow marker, mine" I saw later, when I had my glasses, it was a different size and brought the marker right back, with an explanation. Okay, is it because I took these items by mistake that now I'm suspect in something much larger? My heart is pounding and I'm so sad and I'm innocent.
Oh my pills, my Kiely bought them to me. I'm okay.

I won't ever forget this...Not this exactly or about the accusations, but I will be so careful to not assume anything of anyone to be dishonest about missing pieces or misplaced stuff. Anything I can't find, used by, or taken, even by mistake.... I will ask, "Have you seen_____?" Never, even in my head, think it was deliberate dishonesty by anyone. I know the hurt.

1 comment:

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